If you're not paying attention, you just might miss it...
Your Story Counts
You might be wondering which person I was in awe of... and while the man extended kindness in a beautiful way... it wasn't him I was floored by.
It was the way the woman accepted the gift.
She wasn't sorry. She didn't think she didn't deserve it. She didn't think he was trying to "get something" from her or that she didn't need anyone to pay for her meal...
She was simply, beautifully and ecstatically grateful.
Are you trusting your gut? Or is that your fear you're listening to?
Because when we understand our pain is not unique- when we understand that someone else has been through what we are going through, or is in it, but sees the light- well then we get to see the light too. Then we get to know that we aren't alone, that this too shall pass... and that there is nothing wrong with saying out loud, "I'm having a difficult time... but this is what I'm learning."
Are we REALLY Seeing what we Think we're Seeing?
How many of us get that gut feeling, but then sit on the action. We wait...and suddenly, new information arises. We start to see what could go wrong. We think of all the reasons we can't do something. We procrastinate. We put it off. We play it safe. We choose "comfort" over courage...
And then we confuse the fear that we chose with our instinct...and think we are just trusting ourselves.
When will you get the courage?
Wouldn't that be evidence enough- that perhaps there is merit to what I am saying. Perhaps you just created the world you saw- a world where there is no way to change it. And so maybe....just maybe... you could create one in which you could.
Photoshoots, RBF, and self acceptance
And that is how courage works- courage is not about the feeling that precedes the action- courage is the action. And self confidence is the thing that comes AFTER the action, when we later have a chance to realize that we just showed up for ourselves. We just did the thing that we didn't think we could do.
And in that moment- for the first time in a long time- I realized I could stop trying to be something I wasn't, even if that truth settled in me only for a moment or so. I knew it would come back. That the universe would send me more moments, more Aprils, more tea dates with friends, more smacks about the head reminding me to embrace the circles of my own trunk. And I felt relief. Because the only circles I had ever accepted were the ones I was running to get away from the simplest truth that's taken me almost 31 years to figure out:
We are who we are, and thank God for that...because (and I say this in my most assertive, strong and femininely masculine voice I have) - that is fucking beautiful.
But What If I Don't Want a 6 Pack?
I say “I’m fine” and take pretty pictures of nature and write Instagram posts about letting go and moving on and self acceptance and personal growth. I hide behind a filter of the things I want you to see and I pray you don’t ask me what the original looks like. Because the original isn’t as aesthetically pleasing.
The Truth Won't Set You Free, If You Don't Set IT Free.
Okay… I mean, there’s a part of me that wants one. The part of me that is sick of looking in the mirror and seeing an extra layer of adipose tissue softening and filling in the definition I’ve worked pretty hard to attain. The part of me that looks at the other women who have washboard abs and chiseled arms and thinks (or maybe whines) “Why can’t I have that?”.
Many times, the truth requires actions we don’t want to take. Many times, the truth requires work we just don’t want to do. So we throw it on someone else, hoping that they’ll do it for us. Or that they’ll change enough that the truth changes and we can stop feeling this unbearable discontent.
But the truth, by definition, can’t be changed.